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Mama's heart is breaking - jazzygirlhal

Mar. 28th, 2006 11:53 am Mama's heart is breaking

I know the title is a bit dramatic but...
Another stick reads negative.
How many inseminations?
How many ovulation kits?
Peeing on how many sticks?
How many pills to ovulate?
How many pills to menstrate?
How many tears are shed?
How many pregnant women do I know?
I have been handling it well until all of the sudden
I broke down. I say change my perspective
Breath, you are all right.
Look at your healthy children
S, K, and K.
Look at them, safe and sound,
never having the horror of a kidnap
never having the horror of lukemia,
having lived through the horror of
incest and rape, luckily on of them
is healing and I know they will prevail.

I need to understand that the universe has
a different plan for me know and not let
my heart be broken. I love being a mother
more then anything else. I want my kids to
have each other, and a lot of each others
to depend on when they get older.
I guess next step is In vitro fertilization.
I need to be grateful that I live in a time
when there is treatment for infertility.
I need to be grateful that Khalila blessed
my thought to be infertile body.
I need to be grateful for my other kids that
I love as if I birthed them.
I need to be grateful that I am in the
training for foster parenting and will
expand my family, one way or another.
I need to understand...

1 comment - Leave a commentPrevious Entry Share Next Entry


Date:April 1st, 2006 11:42 am (UTC)
it must be so hard...i think you need to allow yourself to feel all feelings, no matter how ugly and unacceptable they are, in order to come out on the other side. just know that you have lots of people in this world that love you and are here for you.