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Oh no she didn't - jazzygirlhal

Apr. 9th, 2006 03:18 am Oh no she didn't

Here are a few of my "oh no she didn'ts" from today.
Disclaimer is that Mama has been super duper busy
putting together a national youth conference and
a show that would kick off the weekend. Busy busy and
lots to do. Khalila comes to the theater shows, open mics,
and dances.

Tonight we were watching WEBO, an amazing artist from New
Orleans perform and she first says "I want to go with Quest,
Quest is my boyfriend." Quest is the son of Steven Sapp and
Mildred Ruiz, of Universes fame, not to mention all the other
amazing stuff they have done.

Hello, when did Khalila learn the word boyfriend, and why
does she have the mischievous grin on when she says it?

Next thing made me cry, about an hour and a half in, and
I tell you, she was great, I am so proud of her, but at that
moment she whispered "I miss Daddy" and I replied, "we'll see
Daddy soon, Daddy loves you, and Mama loves you."
tell me how she said "no you don't, you don't love me, you leave me."
Silent tears fell, as i didn't want the beautiful bundle in my lap
know the power of her words, not in terms of her feeling guilty and
trying to take them back.

I am glad she said what she said for it is a marker as to how she
is perceiving the world and it is important that I know these things,
however, I can't stand that I have to work during this critical time
in her life. I pray that she is not developing an abandonment issue
that will last the rest of her life. I need to help her understand that
well, i don't know, I just need to love her as much as i possibly can
and make the moments that we have together matter.

I couldn't help but wonder if I should have married a man or woman who
would be able to earn enough to let me be home with the babies.
Cast aside, don't dwell on the what ifs, focus on your baby girl and
the rest will fall into place.

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